Monday, February 6, 2012

the source

A few people have asked me where I studied NVC so I have compiled a list of resources for anyone interested in looking into non violent communication further.

Non violent communication is strategy that supports life. More and more people are looking for ways to reconnect with life and training in empathy is one way to do that.

For me the journey began almost ten years ago, Pierre sent me a website:
I looked into it but was not ready at the time. Later on I picked up a book called Arretez d'etre gentil et soyez vrai from Thomas d'ansembourg. What happened next still amazes me. I started using the concepts at work and at home and immediately saw results. The feedback encouraged me to read more and I read several works over the next two years by Marshall Rosenberg and others. I took an introductory course in 2006 and still remember two things from that course: A question I often ask myself : what would make life wonderful right now? and a role play with a woman whose father often said racist things to her. Non-violence, non judgement, an open heart is doable when the other person is someone you like or are sympathetic to but what about that person who does and says things that you really disagree with? The racism role play really shocked me because it made me realize that underneath ideas and values that I disagree with is a person, a human being who is trying to meet his or her needs to the best of their abilities (in this case it was a need for security and comfort) and that by speaking to the needs rather than to the strategies we can connect with that person and perhaps have some influence with them.

I continued reading and in 2007 signed up for a three year course with Groupe conscientia, three wonderful CNVC certified trainers who have extensive experience teaching NVC. I am very grateful for their support and their willingness to teach in a co-constructive manner. Co-constructive teaching means that the students have the opportunity to really try out and interact with the material being presented. My teachers prefer working with real situations and therefore we were often asked to apply NVC concepts to real life situations.

Training in non violent communication is helpful for my relationships with others but where it really helped me was in my relationship to myself. Most people (myself included) deal with painful emotions by cutting themselves off from emotions in various ways. The problem is that we then have no access to painful experiences but we also lose access to joy (hence the rise in depression). I cherish a memory from my training: We were asked to introduce ourselves and several people introduced themselves as someone who is happy. One of my breakthroughs was that I had been so pre-occupied with getting my needs for security met that I had for some time forgotten how to play. Underneath some pretty painful stuff I managed to connect with a desire to be more joyful and playful in my life. This has made my life rich and wonderful in many ways. It was only after this that I finally (after two years of wanting a child) got pregnant with Evelyn.

So here is a list of ressources:

You can get all of Marshall Rosenbergs books as well as other authors work from Puddle dancer press:

For my french friends:

The center for non violent communication:

My teachers:
Marcelle et Robert: Groupe Conscientia:

NVC Academy:

NVC and parenting:
Victoria Hart and sura Kindle (NVC and parenting):
Inbal Kashtan:

The freedom project(Teaching NVC to incarcerated people):
Restorative circles:
NVC in europe:
NV in eatern Europe:

I hope these resources are helpful to all those who have taken the time to read my blog.


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